i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
