so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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