haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I would ride that face into the sunset
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
