am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
People with herpes should wear stickers.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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