I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
