Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
