i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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