I can text with my tongue
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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