im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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