My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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