goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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