Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
