That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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