the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You may now shotgun with the bride
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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