She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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