i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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