Are we in a gay sports bar?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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