Umm I'm too high to move.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
