The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Randomize
