Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
