I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
