Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
it was like his penis was on wheels.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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