Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He shit in the fireplace
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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