They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
