This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
