Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
