After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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