Don't make out with my wife yet
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
