i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
