I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
