Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
