I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
