so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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