you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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