At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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