I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Found the puke drawer
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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