I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he thought i was a dude.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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