How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
