Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
