She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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