Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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