and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
