It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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