Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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