did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Bring me that man meat
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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