Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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