If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
