i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
