Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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