Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Be still, my beating vagina.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
